Find a way, let your heart breathe!

I have realized that the edges of death always cut deep.

When I lost my mom, it was really hard, though at that moment, I didn’t realize how deeply it affected me. She took a piece of my heart with her, and the wound she left behind is still healing.

One thing that helped me through was the support I received from people, some of whom I barely knew. That week we spent before “gukura ikiriyo” was one of the most comforting times I had. I heard so many stories about her—how understanding, supportive, and mostly fun she was. I was soothed by the way people spoke of her, often with igitwenge (a laugh) and warm smiles, as they remembered her words and ways of being. I leaned on those who stayed with us, gave big hugs (as I like them), and helped me begin the grieving process.

I know that when people die, life doesn’t pause. It continues—sometimes in ways that feel heavier.

But I have also come to believe that the loved ones we lose leave us with a “beauty mark” (ikibibi)—invisible but permanently engraved in our hearts. That mark holds all the moments shared, the trials we overcame together, the dreams half-lived, the unspoken promises, and the ups and downs that made life worth living.

This beauty mark can surface a lot of emotions, some of which we might not be able to handle ourselves. 

This is the reason why grieving properly takes time and effort (physical and mental), which allows us to make peace with a new reality that lacks those we loved. And speaking from experience, if you don’t let those emotions out, they’ll find their way to escape, usually at the most unexpected and inconvenient times.

So, if you have lost someone, I pray you find someone to talk to. Let it out. If no one’s around to talk to, write it down. Sing it. Cry it. Run it out. Do anything, but don’t let it stay locked inside. Don’t bottle up your emotions. It’s okay. It’s human.

And to those who know someone grieving, call them. Visit if you can. Let them cry, complain, get quiet, or get angry. Just be there. Be present. 

Don’t silence your heart, let it breathe. 

Rugo.